Home birth - from a man's perspective
Share
By Jonas Christiansen
First of all to all the women on here, thanks for all the exciting stories. I and we have gained a lot from them and I am more than impressed with your ability to endure the pains that a birth brings
Flora Elise born on Thursday 25 April at 15.08
Since this is a man's account, it will all be from a man's point of view.
My 4 pieces of advice for men:
1. If you are afraid of home birth, and your wife/boyfriend wants it, then familiarize yourself with it. Come to the intro meeting, read about it and most importantly, listen to your woman! She is the one to give birth.
2. Before the birth, have a talk about what is expected of you. Massage, contact with a midwife, etc. And be aware that the agreements may be broken.
3. Be ready to be scolded - when the expectant mother first gets into pain hell, she doesn't really have the energy for long, deep conversations. So be prepared for "you stink of coffee", massage your lower back", "shut up", "not now"
4. "Go with the flow" - there were several things I didn't expect to jump into during the birth, but once you're in it, you have to throw yourself into it. Imagine if you regretted it afterwards.
Here comes the report:
We had gone a few days over time and my boyfriend had had some contractions almost three evenings/nights in a row and every time there had been 3-4 contractions in a row, it went away by itself. Very frustrated, we also went to bed on Wednesday night, WITHOUT any baby.
I woke up at 5.30 Thursday morning! My girlfriend had been in labor since 3, and they hadn't stopped this time, so that suggested something might be brewing! At At 6, I call the midwife and tell them that the contractions sound like they should. We have a quiet conversation and she arrives at 8 to find that my boyfriend is 2-3 cm dilated. Excited by this news (probably mostly for me as the boyfriend is in pain), the midwife goes to visit another place before coming back at 10 and learns that the boyfriend is 5cm dilated. In the meantime, WE have been working with the contractions. I say we because my girlfriend uses her breathing exercises as well as she has learned, both through maternal prophylaxis and birth preparation in Nykøbing F where we live, and I press on the hips and lower back, as my girlfriend quickly finds out that it relieves pain. Therefore, I also end up pressing her on the hips and lower back during all contractions from start to finish (approx. 9 hours straight). By the way, I attended the mamaprophylax most of the times. It can definitely be recommended. If there are men reading this, it's not where you sit in a hippie circle on yoga mats and go zen. It is a midwife who provides tools for e.g. the woman's breathing, but there are also really good tricks for the man and a focus on cooperation.
We continue the good work up on the 1st floor (close to the toilet) and only when the midwife checks again around 13, my girlfriend is 8cm dilated. Here she has long gone into herself. The midwife therefore suggests that we go down into the living room where a nicely tempered birthing pool is ready with the help of our birth assistant. It is really recommended to have a birth assistant with you. It must of course be someone the expectant mother is comfortable with. In our case, it was my boyfriend's little sister, and she was responsible for walking our dog, heating food for us, preparing the birth tray, taking pictures and much more. She was worth her weight in gold during the birth, so my boyfriend could concentrate on breathing and pressure, and I could concentrate on keeping pressure on the hips and lower back. My girlfriend didn't want me to leave her for 1 second.
She was not much for getting out of bed, but she was persuaded and we came down the stairs and into the pool.
At first I had an idea that I should stand/sit next to the pool and hold my girlfriend, encourage her and let her squeeze my hand, but pretty quickly it became clear that I had to jump in the water to could continue to hold the hips. I found all sorts of weird positions to keep the acid out of my biceps.
For the almost two hours we were in the water, I ended up sitting and staring at my girlfriend's rear while I pressed and pressed her hips. And I have to promise that I got it all. A haemorrhoid, a rectum that ended up turning out from the body, a bit of faeces and small remnants from the uterus. All this was borderline but completely put aside in the situation, and most importantly, I also got to experience the entire press phase up close. Seeing the head slowly emerge, to fall back into the lover's body, it was a sight I will never forget, and will NEVER regret being a part of experiencing. First a small top of hair could be seen, then a bit of the skin and then the head. From here, there were only 2-3 contractions left and when the baby came, I was instructed on how I should contribute by putting the baby up to mother. I was with you all the way, helped the baby to lay on the boyfriend and had a blast when I saw the little one for the first time. I managed to be the one who told the gender and I subsequently helped to cut the umbilical cord, roads and much more!
If there are any men who are in doubt as to whether they should have a home birth, just ask me! It was the most amazing and, under the circumstances, calm birth you could wish for. It is highly recommended with a home birth.
All three of us are doing well, and I am SO proud of what has come out of it, and not least very proud of my girlfriend and her endurance