By Eyajohanna Emmelin Korch Saxe
A week and a half until the birth, I was going crazy. I really struggled with believing my sensations and my body's many signals. I sought support and advice from my midwife and my doula.
A week and a half until the birth, I was going crazy. I really struggled with believing my sensations and my body's many signals. I sought support and advice from my midwife and my doula.
Whole pregnancy I had had a strong feeling that I would give birth at the end of October and as the time approached there were more and more signs that it would probably happen. Exactly one week before little brother was born I had regular heavy contractions for 4 hours a night. But suddenly the contractions stopped and we fell asleep again at 5 o'clock. Completely confused and disappointed, I woke up on Friday morning thinking it was all really stupid.
I decided to completely let go of the notion and the expectation that I would give birth before the due date on 3 November. I made plans with friends and booked an exciting seminar that I had been eyeing for a long time. All in all, I tried to pretend that little brother's arrival wasn't just around the corner.
On Wednesday 24 October I will keep Valdemar home from kindergarten. We have a real Valdemar and mother's day with a zoo tour, cake eating and cozy drawing sessions. That night I go to bed with great confidence that the birth will find its way when we are all ready.
At 01.20 on 25.10 I wake up with anxiety. I have to pee really hard and on the way to the toilet I get a strong pinching that I have had so often before. I put it down and lie back in bed between Valdemar and Rasmus.
I start to shake a little as if I'm freezing and the restlessness increases. Another strong pick... I take a gelsenium from my homeopathic birth kit. I'm trying to sleep. The shaking stops.
Half an hour later I have to pee again. As I get up from the bed, the water goes. The time is 01:53. I carefully wake Rasmus.
The experience from the last time means that we stand up immediately and prepare the feeding trough for filling. Got to eat a little and Rasmus takes a bath.
I have a few single heavy contractions, maybe 20-30 minutes apart. I really feel like I need to go to the bathroom but I can't. So decides to take an enema right away. Then it's done. It made room.
We notify midwives, doulas, photographers and grandmothers. But my doula friend's phone is off. We try several times. Also calls her husband but can't get through. I get restless. 
It all comes to a standstill. No activity in the uterus. At 03 we go to bed again. Rasmus quickly falls asleep. I can't really sleep even though there are no contractions. After an hour and a half of tossing and turning, I stand up.
The time is 04.30. I make a cup of tea and find my relaxation and visualization audio files. I sit on the couch with a candle lit and listen to the audio files. I connect with little brother in the stomach. "If you're ready, so am I. You just have to show me the way," I tell him. I'm having two contractions while I'm sitting there.
At 05.20 Valdemar wakes up. "What are you doing mom?" I go in to him and tell him that the water has broken and little brother will definitely come today. He will be completely happy. We lie in bed for a little over an hour and just cuddle. I have two more contractions. Rasmus and Valdemar get up and make breakfast. At 06:30 I finally fall asleep. At 07 Valdemar wakes me up with breakfast. I have the first real woe. It reminds me of how I remember it from Valdemar's birth.
I get to eat a simple meal. The phone rings and my doula friend is on the other end. She accidentally put it on airplane mode that night. But now she is ready and can be here within 30-40 minutes.
I can feel the contractions taking hold now. When my midwife arrives at 07.40 I have contractions at approximately 10 minute intervals. I use my breathing and am happy that they are finally catching on. I am 3 cm dilated. The head stands deep. No sign of bleeding. Little brother is doing brilliantly. Valdemar cuddles me and talks calmly to me.
The contractions are increasing. I lean on Rasmus. It's already weighing. I get chili plasters on the front and above the lower back. But no relief. The patches are coming off again. Just get in the water now. The photographer and my mother have arrived. The time is 08.45.
The lights have been turned on in the dark living room. The light for Aunt Katrine, who is in heaven, stands on my small birth altar with flowers, pictures and my chakra stones. Bach's rescue drops come into the water together with the salt.
I can jump in. The warmth envelops my body. I find a calm. The contractions are allowed to take hold. They are becoming more frequent. I support Rasmus.
Valdemar would like to be in the tub with me. It is so amazing to share this experience with him. He has been looking forward to it SO much. He has been waiting for little brother and just wants to be there to welcome him. He takes it completely cool when I have contractions.
The breathing becomes more and more rapid. The movements more violent. I feel little brother rotate and push on. Still no sign of bleeding. It really tears in the front over the pubic bone. I examine myself internally. His head is deep, probably 5-6 cm up, but my cervix is only 4-5 cm open. Tight and not trail compliant. I get scared. It feels like the uterus won't let go. I have to get up. Off to the toilet. The time is 09.30
The next 4 contractions are monstrously violent. Everything tears in my body. I move fast. Stomps on the floor and twists the pelvis. Now let's go. Like a whoosh. I start bleeding and feel his head sink deeper.
Back in the bathtub. I am struck by a fear and a reluctance. "I don't want this. I'm scared. It feels wrong". My helpers are there. They support me and I never feel alone. But it is my fear and only I can overcome it. I can feel the press phase approaching. I get some violent rushes up through my back and around my sacrum. It feels like something will break or tear if I push. All I can do is gasp at every woe. It's 10 o'clock.
I'm talking to little brother in the stomach. "Not so fast. Just give me some time. I'll probably give you space. Just not too fast. I'll just be with you". For the next 20 minutes there is complete silence in the living room. Everyone sits around the tub and just keeps the room for me. The quiet music in the background is periodically drowned out by my gasps. Rasmus keeps me on my toes, but otherwise it's just my younger brother and me who cooperate in the finest way. I gasp with each contraction and push very carefully during the pause.
The last 3 contractions I get on my knees in the tub. I can feel his fine head full of hair. I kiss him as he stands here. Ready to receive him. In the next moment he slides out to me and immediately raises his arms towards me.
I did it!! I overcame my fear and was allowed to experience the calmest press phase ever.
We light a candle for him and sing him welcome to the world. "Say heaven rejoices every time on earth a human child is born"
Say hello to August. Born 25.10.18 at 10.35. After 3.5 hours of heavy contractions. 
Thanks for reading along.
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Eyajohanna is a midwife in private practice. You can find her here:
The photographer who took the beautiful pictures is Louise Danø-Skjødt
